Life isn't always black and white
by merdarkandtwisty
Summary: No one ever said life was easy, no one ever said life was clean cut and Bella grew up knowing that first hand but now life is about to throw her a curve ball. People are complicated and family is flawed and everyone involved will find out Life isn't always black and White.


I don't own twilight.

Tears welled in eyes of a girl too old to cry and too young not to. She bite her lip and looked around the room. Her life felt like it was falling in on her. Always the good girl, always doing what was expected, never allowed to step one toe out of line well everyone else got their way.

She was through being that perfect little girl her mask was going to crack, her porcelain smile would come crashing to the ground. Twenty two and she felt stuck. A year left of college and nowhere to turn. She sat in the dark and stared at her grandmother the one person she leaned on the most aging farther and farther. The weight of helping care of her weighing heavily on her shoulders. The hot sticky June heat beat against her skin. She reached for the fan. She wanted so badly to flip that switch and let the cool wash over her. Let the salty tears course down her ever pale face. She closed her eyes tightly against the ever present tears. Willing them back willing them not fall. The pale moon light washed the room.

She pushed everyone away and closed off her heart long ago. A mother who was perpetually trying to find herself two brothers who she never connected to. A step father she cared about but what was she supposed to do since her mother left him. Of course there were reasons but it was another part of her ever fragile life that was falling away from under her feet. Bella bit her lip and thought of the new person in her life. Phil her mother's boyfriend. He seemed nice enough but she didn't want to try and be a part of a new family. Oh her mother was gun ho lets play happy family. A mother who had always taught her to walk the straight and narrow now was acting like a child. No Bella figured she'd let Renee play family with Phil and his daughter Bree. She wondered how Peter and Riley her little brothers were taking it but she didn't want to know she couldn't take their emotions she had enough of her own.

Charlie the absentee father, the father that wanted perfection or nothing at all. He pushed her to the brink more than anyone. No she looked back at her grandmother Marie. If it wasn't for her Grandma and Grandpa Swan she wouldn't have had anyone not really. They'd raised her as their own. The last two years since Aro had died had been horrible. She wanted to be the little girls in his arms again but you can't go back in time and that killed her.

She felt like a failure she felt like she'd never amount to anything. Many time she thought of the shiny knifes laying in the kitchen drawer and all the prescription medication she could easily get her hands on. Ending the pain would be so much easier but then she'd look over at her grandma and she knew she couldn't she dashed the tears from her eyes and picked up her phone. There was one number she wanted to call so badly. One number she couldn't call. He wasn't hers anymore not since the day he got Lauren pregnant and married her. She lost Edward forever. Everyone that knew them knew Edward didn't love Lauren. Knew he was only in it for their son Anthony. It also wasn't a secret that Lauren resented Edward and never wanted to be a mother. The problem was Edward didn't believe in divorce and Lauren was a bitch who wouldn't even let Edward talk to friends he'd had for years. Not even his male friends and he let her. Bella knew for Anthony's sake but it made her want to scream. Scream when he'd call her and tell her his issues.

Many nights she'd stare at his number in her phone and try and will herself to erase that last link to him but she'd remember the way he'd smiled at her the last time she'd seen him. The way he'd hugged her and whispered her name. It was wrong but she'd always love him in a way that she couldn't love anyone.

The late hour ticked down and she held the phone tightly tears fell and her throat clogged her finger on the call button. Three two one. A deep breath and she sat the phone down. She was hurt she was sad but she was still the good girl the girl that didn't step a toe out of line. She may love him but she wasn't going to cause that kind of friction in his family. She wasn't going to turn into her family. No she'd close herself off more and more and she'd fake that smile and she'd pretend for another second to be the perfect daughter. She shut the light off and walked silently to her room. She crawled into the cool sheets and tried to sleep. Sleep that eluded her with flashes of his face wafting through her mind. "I'll always love you Edward." She whispered as a fitful sleep overcame her.

A/N the characters are complicated the characters have issue's and they might not be to likable at times but life isn't always clean cut and easy sometimes its messy and sometimes things don't play out the way you think or want them to. Anyway please review if you want to follow Bella and latter Edward on this very complicated journey of finding the truth finding happiness and finding out that life isn't always black and white.


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